since i don't like meetings...this might come in handy for my church meetings

SLACKER MEMBER SERVICES

Home teaching getting you down? We care when you don't have time to. Can't get that persistant Ward Leader off your phone? Home& Visiting Teaching interferring with your
TV, Golf and manicures?? We can help!

We'll do your Home Teaching for you. For a small monetary fee, We will send one of our smiling trained representatives to the homes of your families.
Basic Visit. . . . .. . . .$10 Basic Visit plus Spiritual Message . . . . . .$15 Birthday card plus Basic Visit/Spiritual Message/LOVE..... . .$20
Is $20 too much to pay for peace of mind and a 100% job well done???

Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.
Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.

OTHER SERVICES: Meetings: We will send a well dressed representative to
the appropriate meeting to take notes for you and report back:
Ward Council Meeting(fully awake). . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$30
Ward Council Meeting w/ written report. . . . ........... .$50
Presidency Meetings (with eye contact). . . . . . . . . . . .$20
PEC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$25
Sacrament Meeting /S.S./ PRIESTHOOD. . . . . . . . . .$20
3-hour Sunday Block (best value). . . . . . . . .$50 (Surcharge of 10% for long stake meetings)

Talks and Lessons: Did a Bishopric member call, chit chat, and assign you a talk? Tired of using late Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time. No need to spend countless hours pouring through scriptures, writing and praying. We'll do it for you! All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes. Add $1 for each additional minute.

Basic Talk (any subject assigned) . . . . . . . .$20
Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures). . . . . . .$30
Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes).$40
Basic Lesson (40 minutes) . . . . . . . . . . . .$25
Deluxe (Basic + eyecatching visual aides). . . . . . . . . . .$35
Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Cute Handouts). . . . . . . . .$45 Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangement, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.

Last but not least... Our Casserole Service! You just can't possibly throw together food for various Ward occasions, WE CAN! Our basic services include:
Funeral Potatoes (very soothing)
Green Bean Mushroom Soup and Crunchy Onions Delight
rubbery Green Jello with Carrot surprise
CheezWiz/TaterTot Surprise! (guaranteed high fat)
Each delivered to your house in scratched Corningware marked with your name on masking tape! They'll never know you didn't make 'em!
Here you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put ours to the wheel.